No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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