saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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