Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
