Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
