Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
third nipple confirmed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
