who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
