remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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