i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
