i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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