I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
