i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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