Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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