you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
