i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
