Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
