I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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