i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
