he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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