we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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