Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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