I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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