i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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