the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
