i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Text me some of your sweat
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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