i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
