4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
