I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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