I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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