Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
