What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
