This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
