i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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