I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
