I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
