Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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