Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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