Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
