I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
