So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration