I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter