Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet

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  (478): she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet http://tfl.nu/g772
  Replies (14) Good night (3950) Bad night (1048)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..

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  (816): this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live.. http://tfl.nu/uh98
  Replies (35) Good night (1802) Bad night (3313)
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  (530): View more from California

  Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(

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  (530): Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :( http://tfl.nu/eg10
  Replies (18) Good night (963) Bad night (7256)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

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  (817): No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds. http://tfl.nu/9tr4
  Replies (11) Good night (2473) Bad night (770)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.

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  (646): Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around. http://tfl.nu/mt6p
  Replies (7) Good night (657) Bad night (1394)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?

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  (610): On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate? http://tfl.nu/oozq
  Replies (8) Good night (1603) Bad night (616)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.

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  (765): So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor. http://tfl.nu/2e0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1581) Bad night (616)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.

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  (561): Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences. http://tfl.nu/x85v
  Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (1050)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.

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  (773): You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms. http://tfl.nu/8prv
  Replies (4) Good night (997) Bad night (461)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Coming.

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  (318): I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this. (504): Coming. http://tfl.nu/0nn7
  Replies (8) Good night (1443) Bad night (505)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?

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  (312): Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!? http://tfl.nu/obq2
  Replies (4) Good night (780) Bad night (468)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child

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  (765): Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child http://tfl.nu/7qut
  Replies (6) Good night (408) Bad night (1073)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?

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  (206): If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on? http://tfl.nu/dsww
  Replies (1) Good night (384) Bad night (591)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Can you bring me the toilet please

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  (802): Can you bring me the toilet please http://tfl.nu/af5u
  Replies (2) Good night (701) Bad night (505)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.

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  (+44): That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum. http://tfl.nu/d0dn
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (691)

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