sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.