i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
