So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we're so committed to being not committed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
