I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
