If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
