Too much gin, very little bucket
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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