YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
