if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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