We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I see more hoeing in ur future
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