believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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