i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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