Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's like iHOP with fire
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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