She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
