he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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