you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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