there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
