Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i now understand why vodka
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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