After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
