i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
