i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
