Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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