Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
